faezrland, our fatherland under angels' feather. 天下主家。


mostly sunny, sometimes cloudy by benzrad
May 23, 2008, 6:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
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these days i felt burning. since Tuesday morning i was asked to care my baby in the morning, baby cried several times severely for his mother while she attending her school, i just too sleepy and felt right to let baby know his mother can’t care him all way like before, so i just let him cry miserably. he slept once in the mid and when he asked for my care i just replied boy should find ways to play on his own. later he asked to talk with his mother so i held him to phone but three times his mother was absent. when his mother returned she held him outside immediately. next day baby got heat in his body and worried his mother seriously. she massage with alcohol but don’t work. then she bought him some medicines. last noon she finally decided to bring him to hospital. after returned his mother didn’t tell me how he was treated. while in these day i again sensed the situation i was encompassed before i fell into asylum last time. i saw God’s set let people around me mentally against me in office and partially at home. i here God’s call that the idea and thoughts dwelt on me when i was trapped in asylum was truth and all my actions abnormally in those turbulent moment was in right thoughtful mind and i should proud of them. the shortage of attention against adversities distressed me and i in urgency to talk. then i found a guy of my home town who now studying painting in Qinghai Prov., northwest of China, and talked to him in a style almost monologue. then i posted my monologue onto my blogs. after last night sleep this morning i felt much better and i picked down-loading of games as usual. at noon i got know my baby yesterday got enema treated and in addition of injection on his hand. baby called injection on his bottom. i know God’s seeing all these, including darks and shadow over half sky. i cared baby’s sleeping at noon. after he woke up i told him my devotion to God and my choice to follow God’s guide, in a sole aim to build my site and sight of new China in new Millennium. baby in voice and listened my appeal. how i cherished these moment.

after returned to office i got a interview with a guy also from Hubei Prov., my home town province. he likely just punished from wrong doing, even he just a tiny fish in the mud water, for he was removed from previous lucrative job and now an administrator of the dorm of QRRS, where i gradually burned out my calmness and walked to pure God’s call and later brought to my home town and treated there last year. i know enemy of my task, the evil, was gathering and threatening me step by step.

God shines over the land i stand. i know my site was on the aid of my latest beloved girl. i know i m resourceful. i know i own all what i need to finish my task from Heaven here. i do and do in my choice of God.

ps: i caught a storm on way home, even it rightly started before i left the office. it just beaming again as soon as i got my home and see my baby. i caught wet all the shirt.

Mobile post sent by benzillar using Utterz. reply-count Replies.

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our humble Labor Day holiday by benzrad
May 3, 2008, 7:21 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

the first day of holiday, Labor Day, was sunny. we hashed to visit the only park in Qiqihar, Longsha park. we bring baby son played on mini-train and mini-tank. we saw some birds and monkey and cranes. we saw camral and bears. baby slept on the bus returning home in my arms and we relayed to hold him in sleep home after the nearest stop.

then situation went worse.last dinner ema brought baby some pears and banabas and claimed that only for baby. baby also claimed he will eat all. i felt very repulsive on ema’s all time bragging her money power and separating baby from others of the family. after dinner i took half of an apple and suggested her buying some cheap fruits for all next time. i also told her that food should be shared, not separated by people within family. ema kept cold shoulders in the coming days. i in the 2 days also felt boring and threatened. i slept in the afternoon for 2 hours each day, while ema busy with tutoring. my life likes in a cold cage, depend on other like ema’s decision. ema frequently boasts the power of money she dirtily earned by meanlessly tutoring. all time she was energetic upon it, which i felt quite wrong. she let some students, most were students in her classes, to follow her tutorial even in holiday just to earn money. most of time in tutorial was ineffective. the students likely silent lamps. she always let it clear that i earned less then hers, and made any chance to protect baby against my influence. she made situation forcing baby to ask for her help and in result let baby totally in her controls. i let baby playing pc games, which i think would be the future generation’s routine, but she constantly shown dispise. she bought a lot of packet food, just let baby eat less staple. she and her mother bought lots of nutritional and lurked baby to take and ruled to let baby eat a day one pill, but baby constantly asked her permission to take. she let baby care-demanding and under her irregular rage’s control and lack most due independency. baby frequently ask for her attention and if her in right mood. she let baby weak.

i saw a lot of poor parency and felt hard to correct it. each time i tried to mend it i got ema’s revenge in cold shoulders in coming days. i trust God my fate and my lasting life, and known God will shine on my baby. i had to fight to live with these ugly family life in peace. i trust God to bring me to peace in the end of my life.

below was photos shot on Labor Day. the movie was shot in the afternoon which was a gloomy day, just like yesterday.

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our humble International Labor's Day